When it comes to oil, even the Gods are in disagreement. Take for example the following fragments from a scroll that was found in a cave somewhere near Sydney Mines. Note, that the text has been translated from ancient Cape British, and might include one or two factual errors.


Zeus: Good morning everyone. We will skip going over last weeks minutes regarding who will be worshipped on what day in order to go straight to our next point, namely the distribution of natural resources, i.e. oil. I believe Mr. Mohammed wants to start us off.

Mohamed: Thank you Mr. Chairman. Speaking for the people who will one day believe in me, I must demand that we get heaps of the stuff. The more the merrier. It only seems fair, after all .

Buddha: Why is that?

Mohammed: We got stiffed on the sand thing, didn’t we? Anyway, I can assure you that there won’t be any trouble . It’ll be safe there.

Yahweh: What about us?

Zeus: Let me just have a look. Nope. No oil … but you can have Jerusalem and a big wall.

Yahweh: Christ, I can hear them wailing already .

Jesus: Sorry? Wasn’t paying any attention. Any oil for the christians?

Yahweh :I didn’t know that you had arrived already! Can’t you just make some out of water?

Zeus: Let me check. Nope, sorry . You do get some lovely fish, though. Wait a minute . I was wrong : Texas has been allocated a few billion barrels .

God: Good ! Oil for my chosen people. I was getting ready to smite something if they went empty.

Thor: You and your smiting. I for one demand some oil for Norway. All we got so far is Jarlsberg and Fjords . Couldn’t we get some from France?

Belenus: We will never surrender our Oil!

Thor: Then we’ll come and take it.

Belenus: Ok. You can have it all.

Zeus: That’s settled then. Now, on to Canada.

God: Smite the buggers!

Manitou : Let’s distribute it evenly across the great land.

God: No chance. I want it all for my other chosen people .

Buddha: You mean PEI?

God: Those heathens? No, I’m talking Alberta of course. Stellar chaps.

Krishna: But didn’t they already get all the cows?

God: Yeah, but they need something to fry them up with. I insist that they get the oil. If we can’t get agreement on this, I will withdraw form this assembly and stop paying my dues.

Zeus: Don’t worry. You’ll get your way , at least until Confucius arrives.

John Hamm: And what about Nova Scotia? What do we get?

Jesus: Where’s that at?

John Hamm: Next to Peggy’s Cove .

Poseidon: Yeah, I remember your province. Had some excellent clams there. Mind you, they gave me gas.

Zeus: Then it seems reasonable that Nova Scotia gets a bit of gas in return. Don’t send it all to one place, mind you. Anyway, meeting adjourned for lunch. Afterwards we will discuss if any of us actually exist.