Columnists
Book Burning Nova Scotia Style
By Frank Streicher
Oct 26, 2005, 23:13

The life of a satirist is never an easy one, especially when the competition comes from his own government. Thus, a writer could sit for nights on end, quaffing pint after pint while smoking carton after carton of cigarettes and still not come up with anything as ridiculous as some of the documents released by Her Majesties civil servants.

Take for example the following masterpiece titled the “Biased Evaluation Instrument" [link at bottom of article] released by our very own Department of Education [sic]. In its absurdity, it rivals anything produced by the greats of satirical fiction . Mind you, most - if not all of them – will find themselves evaluated right out of the canon, if our Dear Leaders at the a Department have their way.

Although my mind is still spinning form the Kafkaesqueness of it all, being a good Nova Scotian, I have decided that it is my duty to help out where I can. It is well known that our poor teachers are overworked. I have, therefore, taken time off from my present project ( A biography of Britney Spears’ baby entitled “ Sean Preston: my first four weeks) to compile a preliminary list of books that will certainly fail the Department’s Bias test. This was done in order a) to save teachers the trouble to even bother reading any of the listed works, and thereby b) to save Nova Scotia tax payers some money.

James Joyce Dubliners - Fails virtually on every criterion set out by the Department. The work, for example, does not “portray families involved in various forms of conflict resolution and problem solving”. Banned

Gabriel García Márquez (Nobel Prize Winner) Love in the Time of Cholera . Although one of the prostitutes that makes a guest appearance is overweight by today’s standard, the book, never-the-less, fails to depict “people of all shapes, sizes, and appearances portrayed with a variety of physical attributes, range of abilities, and accepted in society”. Banned

Thomas Mann (Nobel Prize) The Magic Mountain – Since this masterpiece’s setting is a Swiss Sanatorium, it does include “accommodation for people with physical disabilities included as a natural part of the environment”. Yet, sadly, it does not show “people with a variety of abilities/disabilities portrayed in positive contexts as being capable, self –reliant, intelligent, creative, and independent.” Since weak lungs are more or less the only complaints from which most of Mann’s characters suffer, it can safely be assumed that there simply is not a great enough variety of disabilities to satisfy our Dear Leaders. Even more alarming, some of the disabled guest are portrayed as being quite shallow, even moronic. This is unacceptable. Banned

Albert Camus (Nobel Prize Winner) The Stranger – Camus made a total hash of portraying Algerians “in a positive context as being equally capable, resourceful, intelligent, creative, and independent”. Even more alarming, “experiences” are not “presented, analysed, and/or represented from more than one point of view”, since, alas, Meursault , being his egotistical self, sees it fit to hog the point of view ad nauseum. Banned

William Golding (Nobel Prize Winner) Lord of the Flies – Clearly, this pathetic drivel does not include “ children and youth represented in roles that portray them as capable of assuming home and community responsibilities appropriate to their ages”. Worse, the material does not “represent the multi-racial and multi-ethnic groups present in Canadian society”. Golding should have included more Albanians and left-handed Germans. Banned

Guenter Grass (Nobel Prize Winner) The Tin Drum – resoundingly fails on every front. The work does not “ emphasize [note: American spelling] gender-inclusive examples and activities such as girls and boys playing a variety of sports or engaged in a variety of activities with both genders”, although I do recall little Oscar helping his father to fornicate. Not sure if that one counts. Furthermore, the “learning resource” is not “ free of implied or overt messages of hate or intolerance”, since an anti-Nazi and anti-fascist theme forms the core of this elaborate allegory. Intolerance against intolerance is clearly unacceptable. Banned


Family Circus (cartoon) – may be acceptable, though needs more black and native Canadians. Qualified recommendation for Grade 12 reading list, although teachers should discuss if “the references to belief systems [are] clear , for example, the time period, social setting, geographical location”. Teachers should also mention and “acknowledge that the basic needs of people (shelter, privacy, food, rest, recreation) exist in relation to all areas of diversity.” At the very least, they should find out what the Department actually means by the last sentence. Accepted

External Link : Biased Evaluation Instrument PDF File





© Copyright 2004 by HalifaxLive.com