Columnists
On Guard in Halifax
By Frank Streicher
Jul 13, 2005, 21:00

We Haligonians are a watchful lot, if need be. Eighty-seven years ago we stood and watched as two ships collided in our harbour and even noticed when one of them exploded, flattening half the city. More recently, we watched from peers and any available balcony as Hurricane Juan bore down on us. ”There’s that storm” we said to each other. Nothing much gets by us. It was only natural, then, that our dear Deputy Minister, Anne McLellan, found us ready for action when she ordered Canadians to “be on guard” after the London bombings.

Now, some readers might scoff at this request for vigilance, thinking that her warnings are likely not directed at us. These sceptics might argue that there are no important targets in Halifax, but they would be wrong. There is, after all, the Armoury.

For those poor souls not familiar with the best city in the world (if one does not count Fontainebleau), our Armoury can be found down the street from the Pizza place that claims to make the largest slices in the world. More precisely, it is the building next to the tank. Here, I should quickly point out that said tank has not moved since the Second World War. Some claim that it ran out of fuel back then, while competing historians argue that it is actually a French tank that had taken a wrong turn and surrendered to a baker who had a shop nearby. Be it as it may, the tank now forms the heart of our third armoured division and proudly guards the side wall of the Armoury, ready to fend off any attack from the north, or PEI, whichever comes first.

As Armouries go, ours is an architectural marvel. It is best described as a cross between an anaemic medieval dungeon and one of Mad King Ludwig’s castles, with walls thick enough to withstand any archery attack Halifax might face in the future. No, our armoury is quite impressive and is of great strategic importance, since it houses our Jeep.

Before the scoffers once again start to scoff only as seasoned scoffers can, it should be pointed out that the jeep in question is a vital part of Canada’s military machinery. Its versatility is unquestionable, since it can move forwards and backwards, and can be deployed at a moments notice, unless of course its drivers are in the middle of a Tim Horton’s run. Furthermore, it is a nice shade of green.

No one ought to be shocked, then, should Al Qaida choose to blow it up . One well placed bomb would cripple Halifax’s defences severely. Think of it as Pearl Harbour without the boats or the planes. Given these facts, it is of vital importance that the Armoury and its content need to be protected at all costs.

To achieve this, a three point plan has been put into action. First, the Halifax airport has been disabled. The three day wait that passengers have recently experienced has nothing to do with airport upgrades, as officially stated. Instead, it is a clever ploy to keep any terrorists from landing in the Halifax area. It is assumed, that no self respecting bomber would travel to Nova Scotia by bus or train. After all, no one else ever does.

A second line of defence has been built into the Armoury itself. According to military sources, a high probability exists that any terrorist sneaking into the place would be hit by one of the chunks that regularly take leave of the crumbling building. In effect, our Armoury is a self defending structure. Rather clever and forward thinking on the part of the architect, one should notice.

Finally, following Minister McLellan’s directive, Haligonians have increased their watchfulness by a staggering 12% in recent days. This compares well with New Brunswick’s 7.34% and Newfoundland’s 8.356%. While it is true that most of this increase has been concentrated around a few selective targets, the Keith’s Brewery, the Oland’s Brewery, and the Propeller Brewery to be exact, this can be attributed to our instinctive desire to protect what is most valuable. Rest assured, however, that when we head to our favourite watering holes, we will keep a close eye on our Armoury and its Jeep, should we happen to pass it on the way. We are, after all, on guard.


© Copyright 2004 by HalifaxLive.com