Is there trouble in aging rocker/self-proclaimed political activist paradise of late? Just when you thought it was finally safe to at least take in a U2 concert without being subjected to more political rhetoric when all you wanted was to sit back and enjoy the music and put the troubles of the world aside for three measley hours and you're already halfway through the concert without one word from anyone on stage that's even remotely political and you're thinking to yourself that you can finally chill out and just groove to the decent music but just when you let out that breath you suddenly discover you've been holding in for the last 90 minutes just at that point, the music stops.

And all your hopes and wishes for a simple night of grooving to U2 are quickly dashed, trashed and stomped in the dirt because guess who is approaching the microphone on stage and you're silently screaming "for the love of melody gods everywhere, please tell me that Bono is about to sing a capella" but your plea goes unanswered and Bono starts to...talk.

Bono, seemingly unable to shut up for a mere 3 hours begins a short speech as he waxes political on Canada in general and Paul Martin in particular and you're thinking, "intermission! Time for a beer" but as you weave your way toward the nearest exit you can't block him out and you hear him telling whoever is willing to listen and the media who you bet Bono has personally invited just for this moment, as you're almost at the beer stand and you can still hear him because there's speakers outside the venue as well as inside and Bono is saying "Paul Martin is a friend", and that makes you stop in your tracks because you were expecting him to say 'Paul Martin is satan' which makes you start to wonder what the hell Paul Martin has done to receive this sudden approval from Bono.

So, thinking you probably misheard you continue on your way to the beer stand and buy a super-size-me jug and by the time you find your place inside again it's already half gone. Unfortunately you can't say the same for Bono's monologue and you catch the back end of his speech as he's declaring, "He's a good man and he's been improving. Every time you shout he hears you", and you're thinking again to yourself, 'is he still talking about Martin or did he switch to praising Bush while I was paying for my super-size beer because really, Bono goes better with Bush' which causes you to realize that you just came up with a pretty cool catch phrase and finally the music begins again and before you know it, the roadies are on stage packing up and even though you yell, 'stay just a little bit longer', they ignore you.

So for the next few days you're going about your normal business still thinking with fondness about the concert because by now you've managed to almost block out the Bono Monologue and you decide to buy a newspaper because you haven't been paying attention to the world for the last few days and on Page 6 you read that Bono's Buddy is back in the news as well and because you are such a deep thinker you're now thinking, 'oh sh*t, haven't we heard enough of this guy?' but you need to say it out loud so you glance up from Page 6 and take a quick look around to make sure you're alone and you shout, 'WHY CAN'T THE TWO OF YOU JUST SHUT THE *expletive removed* UP?!'

Even though you feel a bit better for yelling out loud what a lot of your friends are still quietly thinking, it doesn't work because Bob Geldof has something to say and by god there isn't a soul alive who dares stop him and you think that you'd probably give it a good try if you were close enough but you're not so now you're going to have listen whether you want to or not because by the time Geldof utters his last word it will be all over the papers and the radio and CNN and the Internet anyway.

So you start to read the article and there's old Bob taking centre stage in New York amidst the United Nations summit of world leaders and he's back on the same old bandwagon and the world shudders as he steps toward the 48 microphones and says with an air of withering contempt that the world's efforts to make poverty history in Africa only gets a Geldof Rating of 4 out of a possible 10 and he adds in an ominous kind of way that he is not thrilled and the world shudders a bit more under the Wrath of Geldof.

But the Wrath of Geldof doesn't stop there oh no he has much more to say, much more condemnation to do and someone asks him about Canada. You can imagine the hush that probably befell the news conference, a few in the crowd catching their breath, others clutching their chests, more standing motionless with mouths agape as they await the pronouncement of The Geldof on Canada and he sneers, "Canada..Canada is weird" and the crowd laughed because most of the crowd being in New York were probably not Canadian and if you're not Canadian, you laugh at Canadians. It's the law.

And finally as you sit perplexed because only days ago you heard with your own ears the Bono Monologue where he praises Paul Martin and now you know that his buddy Bob has just deemed this country weird which is leading you to the conclusion that Bob and Bono have had a parting of the ways when you read this tiny little blurb that completely blows away your theory and dashes all remaining hope - "Rocker Geldof joins Bono in rapping Canuck aid efforts" and your final thought as you chuck the newspaper into the nearest trash can is..

..why can't Bob Geldof and Bono just shut the *expletive removed* up!


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