Happy New year, fellow Bluenosers. To start the year off, I thought that it might be time to get even with all the spammers from Nigeria. Hence, the following letter was sent to the head of the Nigerian Commonwealth Committee this very evening.

Dear General Dr. Yakubu Gowon,

It is with great delight that I received the news of your appointment as Head of the Nigerian Commonwealth Committee . It is not often the case that a former Dictator is given a second chance. Such a rebirth, if you permit me the flowery language, allows us all to hope that we, too, can start our lives anew and metamorphose into a better and brighter beings.

In a memo sent to Halifax Live, Mr. Santa Claus has announced that this year, due to unforeseen bureaucratic difficulties as well as personal circumstances, he will be unable to a participate in scheduled deliveries planned for December 25, 2005. The reasons cited by his attorney are as follows:

1)      Due to new regulations passed by the Canadian Aviation Regulation Advisory Council (CARAC), all transports that rely solely on reindeer or similar species for propulsion must meet strict new regulatory standards. Specifically, each reindeer must have a minimum of a thousands hours of instrument only flight training as well as pass extensive security screenings. Furthermore, CARAC has also expressed concerns about potential weight limit issues, and has therefore advised its members to place a temporary injunction on Mr. Claus until such a point as the latter looses sufficient weight to allow for safe take-off and landing procedures.

Book of the Chronicle-Herald (Jackson, 1:1)

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Augustus Caesar Hamm that all Nova Scotians should be counted. When the census was completed, Caesar declared that there had been shrinkage and that henceforth the Quaestors of the land were to reward those who procreated the most.

When the news spread across the land, the people procreated far and wide. Except those in wedlock who  procreated only a bit. Still, they rejoiced and waited for the Quaestors to shower them with Gold, Myrrh and Pewter.

Media Column:

Radio.  I still today find it an amazing medium. It’s nowhere what is was when I grew up and as much as  I would like it to be, I have long ago accepted the fact that this once upon a time, vibrant media, has changed but  occasionally there are shades of ‘what it was like’.

I would like express my deep appreciation for your recent actions. It was, after all, high time that someone pointed out to the rest of the world that the ‘Holiday season’ is really all about Jesus and, therefore, should be named after him.

In the motion that you passed earlier this week, you stated that "the holiday originated from the birth of Jesus Christ",  and that in Oxford, henceforth , the entire month of December will be known as the Christmas season. I could not agree with you more.