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 In a memo sent to Halifax Live, Mr. Santa Claus has announced that this year, due to unforeseen bureaucratic difficulties as well as personal circumstances, he will be unable to a participate in scheduled deliveries planned for December 25, 2005. The reasons cited by his attorney are as follows:
1) Due to new regulations passed by the Canadian Aviation Regulation Advisory Council (CARAC), all transports that rely solely on reindeer or similar species for propulsion must meet strict new regulatory standards. Specifically, each reindeer must have a minimum of a thousands hours of instrument only flight training as well as pass extensive security screenings. Furthermore, CARAC has also expressed concerns about potential weight limit issues, and has therefore advised its members to place a temporary injunction on Mr. Claus until such a point as the latter looses sufficient weight to allow for safe take-off and landing procedures.
2) The animal rights group PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has launched a vigorous protest against the perceived abuse of reindeers by Mr. Claus. They argue that the stress caused by flight – an unnatural behaviour for that species – would cause extensive trauma in the animals and thus constitutes cruel and abusive behaviour. PETA has also argues that its veterinarians should be allowed to examine one reindeer that appears to be suffering from a genetic mutation which turns his nose various shades of red. The animal group wants to be reassured that the animals condition is truly inborn, and is not wilfully being caused by Mr Claus for publicity reasons. Finally, PETA wants to be reassured that Mr. Claus’ white collar is –as he claims – made of fake fur rather than , as the group suspects, fur derived from the slaughter of small polar bears.
3) The Medical Council of Canada has also expressed concern about Mr. Claus’ Weight. In a statement released to the press, the Council argues that “ in his role as a father figure to millions of North American children, we see it as Mr. Claus’ duty to live an active and healthy lifestyle as well as to advocate a balanced diet. We fear, that his excessive weight along with his overindulgence of milk and trans-fat laced cookies sets a bad example for children as well as adults of all ages. We, therefore, demand that Mr. Claus a) will walk instead of fly to and from his destinations, b) include vegetables in his Christmas morning routine, and c) stop peddling soft drinks made almost entirely out of sugar.” 4) There has been a drastic surge in coal prices since December of 2004 caused by localized shortages of low-sulphur coal. The increase was not foreseen by the North Pole Budget Committee when it met at the end of March. Hence, in combination with a robust increase in naughtiness observed in the 11 – 16 year old demographic, a budgetary deficit contravening the agreement made with the World Bank would be foreseen should Mr Claus do his regular rounds. The committee has therefore strongly recommended against any coal deliveries to be made by Mr Claus in the last quarter of the fiscal year ending in December 2005. Given the adverse political, bureaucratic and economic atmosphere described in points 1 to 4, Mr Claus has deemed it prudent to cancel deliveries for this year and will opt instead for some quality time with his wife and elves. Should negotiations go well, regular deliveries will resume in the 2006/ 2007 fiscal year. It is hoped that by that time negotiations with PepsiCo concerning sponsorship and naming rights will have been concluded. The company has expressed interest in making Mr. Claus their new spokesperson after his contract with Coca Cola Inc. expires at the end of 2005. For further information please contact Mr. Claus' attorney at
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