Statistics, however, can be highly misleading. In this case, for example, the study does not make mention of the enormous advantage that these smaller countries have when it comes to environmental conservation.  Let me illustrate this with a few examples.

The average Haitian couple does not have to worry about heating a 4000 square foot home containing two indoor garages and a Jacuzzi . Most of them, after all, live in hovels only a few square feet in size. Heating and cooling these cozy little abodes takes very little energy .

Similarly, most Haitians don’t have to worry about powering up 52 inch plasma TVs, shiatsu massage chairs,  multiple ionized air purifiers, automated pet feeders, meditation fountains, or computerised treadmills. Items such as these are essential for the spiritual and physical wellbeing of Canadians, but don’t play any significant role in the daily lives of Haitians.  It should also be pointed out that, given their meagre diet, most Haitians probably never so much as enter a air-conditioned gym in order to work off a few dozen extra pounds. No wonder their footprint is so light.

But what about the Malawians, you ask?  Here again, geography and economic imbalances work against Canadians.  After all, do citizens of that country ever have to fire up their snowmobiles to go for a joy ride on a nice winter day? Naturally they don’t: they can just walk carrying their cases of Coors Light on their shoulders. Similarly, their power grid is not taxed by snow making machines that run day and night to keep the slopes nice and white on a hot spring day. Not having any ski resorts at all puts that country at a huge advantage when it comes to the WWF rankings.

Much like the Haitians, Malawians have can use their weight to their ecological advantage. Thus, according to researchers at the University if Illinois , today we North Americans have to use more fuel to drive ourselves to our Life coaches’ office then we did 40 years ago. The reason for this is that we have unwittingly become quite a bit heavier over the last few decades. I doubt that the average Malawian has grown much during the same time period and I bet that most of them don’t even have a life coach. No wonder their carbon emissions are so much smaller.

A few more highlights to hammer home the point:

-         Malawians don’t have to idle their car while waiting in line for Timbits.

-         Since their lakes never freeze over, Malawians don’t have to heat their ice fishing huts .

-         Their low life expectancy makes air-conditioned Bingo halls redundant. It’s also a well know fact, that older people consume more heat since the buggers are always cold. As the average Malawian only lives to around 37, they save themselves a few thousand carbon tons of heat right there.

It becomes clear, then, that the WWF report is deeply flawed. It’s fundamental weakness is that it compares Sushi to rice.  Citizens of civilized countries such as Canada have an almost genetic need for comforts that lesser countries lack. That these needs happen to enlarge our ecological footprints is an unfortunate coincidence, one that the rest of humanity simply must accept. We let them enjoy their lifestyle of dieting and abstinence without interfering, so let them accept ours.  

Finally, the world should be reminded that Canada is already hard at work in reducing environmental pollutants. After all, most of our country is already smoke free, something that cannot be said of  Haiti, Malawi or any of those other small footed countries.